Couples' Forgiveness and Reconciliation A Dyadic, Longitudinal Investigation of Couples' Diaries

The purpose of this study was to understand more about how romantic couples negotiate forgiveness and reconciliation. To do so, this study used purposive sampling and recruited 21 couples (42 individuals) to independently complete diaries two times a week for four weeks. In addition to collecting information about the transgression and background related to the transgression, participants were asked to report their most recent conversations with their partner since their last diary. Analysis revealed that couples’ conversations were triggered in the following seven ways: Intentional repair, during other conversation, during other arguments, airing feelings, everyday interactions, potential for temptation or risk, and chronic behavior associated with violation. This interpretive analysis was also guided by negotiating morality theory. One of the central assumptions of negotiated morality theory is that forgiveness communication is an important site for relational partners to negotiate a shared sense of morality. Moreover, the details of couple’s diaries and conversations provide information that can be used to advance negotiated morality theory. Specifically, this analysis extends theory by 1) demonstrating that conceptualizing the moral functions of forgiving communication hierarchically, renaming constructs, and the addition of a new construct (honoring emotion) will improve its parsimony and explanatory power, 2) illustrating how couples engage in discussion-based forgiveness and reconciliation, and 3) empirically illustrating how defining moral standards and restoring relational justice are the two main moral functions of forgiving communication. Restoring relational justice consisted of the following subthemes: establishing accountability, atonement, honoring the self and other, honoring emotion, and increasing safety and certainty. Among the contributions this analysis makes is identifying and describing honoring emotion. In doing so, the subcategories of honoring emotion provide both heuristic and practical implications. Participants’ diaries provided insights about the range of emotions, the discomfort and difficulty of emotional conversations, and communicating emotions.